Category Archives: Words

moving backwards

I heard from him today.

He admitted he was wrong. That I’m wonderful. That he misses me. Words that I waited for months to hear. Words I finally found peace with never hearing.

Now that I am moving past him, he’s back.

Why do people leave if they won’t stay away?

If you want to go, you should go. I don’t want you to stay, no matter how much it hurts.

But don’t come back and expect me to fall for it again. To trust you not to break me.

I’m losing my mind
literally

It’s slipping away
like sand through my fingers
It’s floating off
like a balloon torn from my grip
And all I can do is watch, paralyzed

I wish I could wake up from this dream…drink some coffee and sober up from this unrelenting hangover.
I wish I could push the fog away.

I want to understand the words you speak…to follow a conversation…to meaningfully participate.
I want to remember the end of a sentence…the name of a friend…the date of my birth.
I want to get in my car tomorrow morning and drive without forgetting where I’m going…or where I am…or how to get there.

I miss the simplicity and ease of it all. I miss being the smart girl. The good listener. The dependable one.

If I lose my mind, do I lose myself?

slowly disappearing